To have a best friend. Particularly one who understands my eating disorder. Yep.

This post is going to sound bad, but please don’t be turned off. It’s my ED talking.

If I’m not the thinnest one in my classes, I’ll freak out.

Tomorrow’s a half day, but come Wednesday when we have to eat lunch… I’m not sure what’s going to happen. But I’m scared as fuck.

I feel like such a failure lately.

So, I’m going up north for the weekend with a friend, and because I’m vegan my dad took me to Whole Foods so we knew I had things to eat while I’m away. Anyway, they had this vegan vanilla mousse parfait, and we got it, and I was trying to figure out how many calories it had.

I thought 400 seemed to high, but 300 seemed to low. I figured 350ish. So I called Whole Foods this morning and asked, and they said 210. I danced around my room for 10 minutes, legit.

1. Sleep
2. Wake up
3. Hula hoop, if my stomach doesn’t hurt
4. Eat breakfast (cereal + soymilk)
5. After an hour, go on my run
6. Shower
7. Eat again (granola bar)
8. Get ready
9. Do whatever the fuck I want
10. Eat again (vegan vanilla mousse parfait)
11. After an hour, cardio abs
12. Tumblr, tv, chill time, whatever
13. POP Pilaties Inner Thigh Insanity
14. Eat again (toast, almond butter, jelly)
15. Pack my stuff
16. Go on vacation
17. Eat dinner

With the food I have planned, that’s 917 calories. So, I still need a lovely 483 in dinner.